420 - NOT JUST A BUDGET STOPGAP MEASURE!

Californians, welcome to 4/20, famous as an excuse for smoking 420, which after 4/15 may certainly take the edge off the whole tax game. Of course this 4/20 the topic of legalizing marijuana in order to save the American economy has again made the rounds and rightly so. Logic dictates that legalizing an illegal substance removes the stigma, enforces control and adds the ever vital revenue locally, including taxes, rather than to some hygiene-deficient, illiterate dealer who represents the product of a failed education system and a society that advances the notion of profit by screwing the masses. What could be wrong with that? I live in California, the golden state so broke that they are even floating lottery winnings to cover bonds so that the budget can fire up like a car engine with one turn left before it burns up. And I wonder why, using the same logic, we don't just extrapolate a few more genius ideas to restore us to our former state of delusional glory, after all, around fifty thousand prisoners have been or are in the process of being released from California jails to save money, and the District Attorney's office has been trimmed  back to the point that prosecuting misdemeanor crimes is...um...optional, so why not creatively finance a few more things? First, I say legalize prostitution. Same logic as marijuana. Control it, tax it and add prostitution to the school curriculum (ever since Clinton blow jobs have been removed from the category of sex, anyway) so that an entire industry of professional consorts can emerge complete with degree. Talk about firing up the will to learn. "Mommy, daddy, I want to grow up and be a hooker."  "That's nice, son." Next up, gang violence, totally unregulated for decades, needs to be licensed. You wanna to be a gang banger, get a frickin license. Hell, buy your gun from the state as well. We know you will all shoot each other anyway and the revenue will be a one shot boost, but since you indoctrinate all the lazy ass youth that can't handle school and think that gun size is equated to gonads, we know that the revenue stream will be better than we could hope for. They're all reading this going "huh?" Graffiti needs a license, too. If I need a permit to replace a window in my home, your illiterate spray-painting butt needs one too. And taggers, please not, the 'F' word has a "c" in it! I don't get how you can screw up that potent word by misspelling it! Morons! As an Internet user, I know that the WWW was borne of porn and all the best technology available online has had a porn origin. And yet you have free services like Craigslist with categories of getting people together like Moron seeking Moron - well, a quick read of Craigslist makes you realize that there is a huge tax paying base out there untouched. People dating are willing to humiliate themselves on sites on the off chance that they will find their perfect lifetime (2 years) mate! How about a dating license? It is almost as dangerous to date these days as it is to drive. And most people are just terrible at it. Dating school, fees, licenses, and dating tax will better regulate the whole industry. So as you 420 worshippers, hookers, taggers, dropouts and Internet daters out there are inhaling, lying down, painting, and applying make-up today, please consider that aside from being an insignificant speck of bug turd floating in the cosmic river of life, we all have a duty and a responsibility to the state to help restore and revitalize the revenue stream. Start by grabbing that tube of KY, dropping your pants and bending over in the direction of Sacramento while shouting out the Governator's name. The budget monkeys might just notice just as soon as they get done washing their hands!