TAXEOSCLEROSIS ANYONE? MY ARTERIES ARE ABUZZ WITH THE FINAL MOMENTS OF TAX FILING BEFORE I SUCCUMB!

I really should not be taking time to post anything on the blog; my Federal and State filings are screaming obscenities as I plod through the font stunted code instructions in getting the thing done.  I have gone through a CPA - turned out he could not count, and a few tax programs, including the one from the green block group; these are all very well intentioned programs until you try changing an entry and find out that it did not erase, merely retained, totaling the older figure with the newer one before it gives you a universal swing of results from a $5 thousand tax owed to a $5 thousand tax refund due. I am not sure which scares me more. The paper version is fun as well, if you do not value your marriage, plan on spending no time with your children, and can drink heavily (which improves those creative deductions.) Trying to determine who devised the minutiae is in itself nothing short of interesting. You may be eligible for an added tax credit, it reports, prompting you to use a worksheet. Find the total from line 200, divide it by 0.20 and add to that the difference between 500,000 and the figure reported on line 25a. If line 25a is smaller than line 25b then use line 25b to figure the credit by multiplying that number by the number of personal deductions on line 5 by the sum total of all your dependents ages. Now subtract the length of time you have been married, deduct half your income that your spouse will be getting after they divorce you on day thirty of your tax calculation marathon and enter that figure on line 30b unless the number on line 30c is zero in which case STOP, you cannot claim the credit. I used to think I was a smart guy. After printing the first few versions of the IRS game "Let's make a deal", I was struck by the sheer volatility that a few deductions make. Too many and you are in a loss situation with your business which, while a good thing from a tax point of view, will flag you to the IRS vultures if you exceed a few years of this. The good news is that the government considers you destitute and you qualify for a $3000 earned income credit. Before you get too happy with that, you still have self-employment taxes, penalties for wasting trees obtaining the paper versions of the Encyclopedia Taxicana, as well as the erratic driving habits you have acquired racing home to finish the bloody taxes. The IRS is kind enough to tell you an estimated time to complete the forms. It reminded me of the PG&E recording one midnight when I called and was informed that "your wait time will be approximately eight hours and forty two minutes."  The IRS vastly underestimates the time it takes to complete the forms and should be penalized for an underreporting of this fact.  Half the forms can be thrown away when you finish the calculations only to realize that you did not qualify. Got your hopes up - dash your hopes upon the rock of fools. She loves me, she loves me not, I owe the IRS, the IRS owes me. And finally, after what seems like a constipationally long time, success, I owe the IRS $2.54. And the state of California owes me $0.25. Thank God this is America where we can take control and shout out from the bridge before we jump "Taxation without representation." MisterWriter