(God) GIVE ME A SIGN AND NOT THE ONE THAT JUST FELL ON MY HEAD – RIPPING OFF MY MASKS

I started MisterWriter as an expression of that part of me that revels in words and the creation of stories that I wanted to share, only to find that the darker recesses of my mind wanted to hide things that I could not bring myself to share. I am not a whiner. But I have screwed up so much in my life.
Each year a snake sheds its skin and starts anew. Perhaps I am a snake. I feel a bit like a snake. My last avatar had a mask – a green lantern mask of my 6 year old son, along with the glow ring that can only make a six year old feel empowered. (God) I remember those days!
Yes, parenthesis because I won’t tell you a damn thing about faith other than subjectivity. In fact, I have declared myself theologically independent which does not mean atheist, just not subject to the religious crap I see man push upon man with no words from above to stop them. I am not into afterlife blessings or curses – have enough blessings now and enough curses to last me through the next quantum bubble universe, if Hawking is correct. It does not matter much. And I do not matter much. Just passing through the best way I know how – and you can take that in whatever way you wish.
I grew up in a time when innocence abounded – only to learn, over the ensuing decades what a lie that was. You get no accolades unless you stand there are shout it out – what a shame you have to do that. Now everyone does that – ugh!  I hate doing that. I try very hard not to do that. Likewise, my failures are like milk with an expiration date; you keep smelling to figure out if it is safe to drink. You take your chance and you face the result.
I love the group SUPERTRAMP. Well Roger Hodgson who was the heart and voice behind the group who also got royally screwed. But at least he still plays his music, his songs, his way, and Supertramp had many a hit and many an emotionally strong song that has stood up to the test of time.  I hope Roger has some happiness in that. You can let him know on Twitter HERE.

The lyrics:

I grew up feeling these lyrics as a mantra of joy and pain and confusion and hurt, loneliness, enlightenment, solitude, desolation and hope as I passed through my teens and the pains of a youth I would explore only years later, including life and death, love and loss and abject failure in the things that counted in my life. Could I find an understanding?
(God) is it mine?  I wear a mask. I wear many masks.

Lyrics:

I wear my masks whether you see them or not. I write because I feel. I feel because there are times I need to understand what the hell it all means, or what it all meant, and what it will mean. Am I right? Am I wrong?  All I know is that I will live out my days and be plagued by these questions that I choose to hide behind the many masks I feel, wear and hold, and to me the value of the life I have is in answering these questions because to not do so would make it a meaningless life, not justifying the pain of youth, the loss the solitude and the angst that always rises like the tide, without fail. And that includes the death of a young sister at a young age, parents who wanted to be the best they could be and my own stupid mistakes for which I offer no excuse. There are no excuses for ones mistakes; suck them up – you own them. Don’t slap some dumb-ass label on it, some shrink talk, shrink-wrap therapy that will make you feel better and you sure the hell cannot hypnotize the pain away.
Before you tell me that I need therapy you had better understand that a writer is, by trade, a therapist. And a damned site cheaper. A writer creates the pain that he/she puts their characters through. God like – no?
And before you tell me that I could wind up suicidal with thoughts like that, let me tell you plainly – NO. GET REAL DUDE! Life is a gift and I do revel in that gift. No matter what (God) you choose to hold close to you. This is real life – you take it and deal what you get. You do not find a reason to end early what always holds a potential for today being better than yesterday.

I look at my young children and wish for them a life free of that angst. It is a different world and a difficult world in which we live. It is a world often with little hope; yet even that is a cyclic statement as the world has always been with little hope until the hopeful inspire and bring rise to the hopes and joys that do result in a change. I just know that they need to always know the immense love I feel for them and to know that I am not a perfect man; just a man flawed from start to finish. But aren’t we all?
And so I begin removing my mask on this blog; exposing what I have not exposed, not for effect but for honesty. What am I? Am I crazy? Am I hopeless? Delusional? Confused? No, I am just me, a writer who has been, at times, the last one to turn out the lights on certain phases of his life so as to appreciate the last memory of that moment and create meaning from it.  I hate being exposed. I hate losing the mask and forgetting the cape and being the plain and the ordinary because it makes life so much more complicated.
In a world that seems, at time, to disintegrate, there is still so much to cling to?
“History recalls how great the fall can be…”
I know these songs will bring memories to many. Enjoy and revel in that joy for change is afoot.
We will continue this chat after I have closed my eyes and allowed a few more of these songs to permeate my soul. I need a recharge.

Lyrics:
Dreamer, you know you are a dreamer
Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!
I said dreamer, you're nothing but a dreamer
Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!
I said "Far out, - What a day, a year, a laugh it is!"
You know, - Well you know you had it comin' to you,
Now there's not a lot I can do
Dreamer, you stupid little dreamer;
So now you put your head in your hands, oh no!
I said "Far out, - What a day, a year, a laugh it is!"
You know, - Well you know you had it comin' to you,
Now there's not a lot I can do.
Well work it out someday
If I could see something
You can see anything you want boy
If I could be someone-
You can be anyone, celebrate boy.
If I could do something-
Well you can do something,
If I could do anything-
Well can you do something out of this world?Take a dream on a Sunday
Take a life, take a holiday
Take a lie, take a dreamer
dream, dream, dream, dream, dream along...
Dreamer, you know you are a dreamer
Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!
I said dreamer, you're nothing but a dreamer
Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!
OH NO!
Peace!
MisterWriter